Player Profile - Rob Kane

It is a long way from the dusty streets of Bombay to the polished floors of the Gorbals Sports Centre, Glasgow.

But such is the journey made by Rob Kane, the self-styled "Souness" of the TBL.

Born to impoverished hippies whose Magic Bus To Morocco took a wrong turn in 1971, Kane has fought his way from the bottom to quite near the middle. On that journey, he has fought polio, syphilis and the dreadful whims of mud-caked dervishes.

Few could muster the resolve that is the trademark of big Rob. Legend has it that at the age of eleven, in an illegal back-street Bombay fight, he defeated a bear. By the age of seventeen, it is said, he had killed four beggars, two snake charmers, another couple of bears and a bearded fool who claimed to be ex-CIA.

Settling in Glasgow in the 1990's, Kane sought to reinvent himself as a footballer, such aspiration cruelly halted after a seemingly innocuous challenge during a junior football game which led to numerous visits by a Swiss specialist and ultimately brought no comfort to Kane, nor to his left knee, which has famously been described in journals as "utterly fucking gubbed."

After years in the wilderness, the rebirth of the one now known as "Angry Wrists" began in earnest. A chance encounter with a drug-addicted yogi on Argyle Street led Kane to JJB Sports, where, they say, the sight of a table tennis bat caused him to prostrate himself on the nylon carpet and garble the names of ancient Gods. This blog understands that his litany on that day included the names of John Greig, Jock Wallace, Sandy Jardine, Ian Ferguson, Andy Gorman and Nacho Novo.

Kane himself seems content to let rumour and conjecture colour his image. What is of no doubt is that he, of all the TBL players, can truly be considered a sleeping giant.

A ferocious forehand and a bastard of a backhand mark Rob Kane as the dangerous mystery of the TBL. A player whose demeanor suggests he has something to prove and who will not rest until that which is to be proven is finally proved.

It remains the case that Rob Kane's notorious volatility arouses approbation. Not least among the beaks and the purists. Aside, that is, from the German purists, the hardcore Beard of Berlin, whose devotion to "der uber flicke" holds Kane in high regard.

Still, though, every TBL player feels a frisson of doubt when the eyebrows of Kane meet in the middle.

Season Two: Week Three

Table Tension

Shocking scenes marred today's meeting when Chris Forbes appeared to throw a punch at the reigning champion, Gary Little. TBL players rushed to separate the two after an ill-tempered match which Little won by two controversial points.

The normally affable Forbes was seen to raise his blade in a threatening manner and, according to one witness, vow to kill the champion's dog the next time he seen it.

This on a day when Rob Kane, the notorious and self-styled "Souness of the TBL" was missing because of a scheduled appointment with the beaks, following last week's incident with a purist. His absence meant a truncated league meeting: the other players electing to complete only one round today (rather than the regular two rounds) and filling the remaining time with some doubles matches.

Of the official matches, the points totals today were as follows.

Gary 20
Greg 16
Chris 12
Bruce 14 (includes a victory over Chris in a "carry-over" match from last week)
Viv 4
Mark 2

Current totals and places are at the bottom of this post.

The off-table shenanigans left Greg Hemphill apparently unmoved, although Mark Nelson later suggested that the Canadian took quiet pleasure in the fracas between the two players immediately above him and below him in the league. Certainly, he showed trademark focus, hauling 16 points from an available 20 and, as shown in the photo above, concentrating only on the ball in front of him and not the one behind his head.

Viv "Batgirl" Gee, meanwhile, continues to grow in style and confidence, grabbing, even in defeat, some cool points across the board and suggesting that she may be thinking of a top four place in this, her first TBL season. Her spirited  - and occasionally ingenious - 4-2 victory against Nelson showed the resilience and the subtlety which has lately endeared her to the Copenhagen Beard.

And what of Mark Nelson?

The Admiral will be disappointed with a points total of two on the day, but it may be that his mind was on other things: an imminent baby and an even more imminent appearance in the Edinburgh Marathon, in which Mark is running this weekend. All of the TBL wishes him well in both experiences. The records show 2 points overall for Mark, but do not record his extraordinary fight in a deuce game against The Spin Doctor, which went to 16 points, in Morton's favour.

Below, the current TBL placings. First though, a reminder that Rob Kane did not play today. The backlog that this blog warned of some weeks ago during the reconstruction debate has begun in earnest.


TBL Current Points and Places

Gary 110

Greg 96

Chris 80

Bruce 58

Rob 58

Mark 20

Viv 20

Have a good week. 'til next week!

Season Two: Week Two

If no great surprises today, one or two talking points.

Today was about positioning. Today saw players study the rolling scoreboard much more closely than before. And today saw Gary Little play twelve near-merciless matches, taking 46 points of the 48 available, rubbing out his nearest rival in that run and losing only to a spirited Chris Forbes display in the second match of their series.

 Video highlight: Forbes v Little 21 point rally on Vimeo

And it was Forbes too, who derailed Hemphill today. The Canadian was smarting after his wipeout by big Gary and probably fancied his chances when Chris strolled to the table. Result: Forbes 4 - 2 Hemphill. Though Greg reversed that result in their second match, you just know that one hurt.

Today's points totals:
Gary 46
Greg 38
Chris 34
Rob 24
Bruce 20
Mark 10
Viv 10


Rob Kane, clearly carrying an injury, played through the pain barrier: much like Barry Ferguson in his pomp.
Indeed, the two share a temperament - the infamous bat-throwing malarkey last season becomes part of a catalogue, after today's incident, when Kane got into a staring contest with a nearby purist.

Kane eyeballs a purist

Kane could face the beaks again, only weeks after Batgate. Today, he picked up 24 points here and there, including 6 from 8 in a cracking series with Forbes. Mark Nelson broke the champagne bottle on the hull of Victory in a 4-2 win over Kane and announced that the Admiral has hoisted his sails.

A so-so day for The Spin Doctor was an encouraging one not only for Nelson, but for Viv Gee, who scored wins against Bruce, Chris and Mark.

One match of round two remains to be played, (Chris v Bruce).


TBL LEAGUE: Season 2 Week 2

Gary 90

Greg 80

Chris 68

Rob 58

Bruce 44

Mark 18

Viv 16

Have a good week. Till next week!

Player Profile: Gary Little

Gary Little

The machine. 

Such was the soubriquet bestowed upon this player by the Copenhagen Beard in 2012.

And so it has proved. Little's game remains the benchmark. Composure, determination, skill and instinct make for a heavy-duty presence across the table, as many challengers have found.

It is said of Little that he left home at the age of twelve to study under the sensei Lu Pak, legendary Ping Pong Pa of Wu Dan Mountain. The champion himself is reticent about his tuition, saying only that, "my skills were honed in a place few would wish to go".

The man's record speaks for itself: West Of Amateur Scotland Champion at the age of 14, four consecutive gold medals in the Shettleston Shield ('92-'96), five first positions in the HMP Invitational and, of course, the controversial runner-up place in the Southside Open of 2006.  Of that latter, too much has already been written. Suffice to say that the events of that day led Little to a life of recluse.
" I didn't pick up a blade for years" he told GQ  in 2009. "The sight of a table tennis ball brought me out in a rash".

It may be that Little's pain was a factor in his very public fall-out with Bukachenko, (independent purist now linked with the new purists of the Paris Beard). Their angry exchange of letters in 2009 is something of which both parties have since apologised. Says Little, "I respect Andrei. If only the younger players of the TBL could afford the same to the older players, perhaps we could see the end of bitterness."

So. Something changed in the champion. Somewhere in 2011. Perhaps it was new love, perhaps it was a new perspective after months of walking up and down mountains; bagging Munros; thinking of the past; replaying in his mind shots won and lost, looking to the future: such reverie witnessed only by his faithful dog, Deuce.

Whatever the myth, whatever the legend, however the ravages of the years, Gary Little remains the man to beat. Remains "The Machine". Remains the height and the place where others must travel. The man whose talent was finessed at Wu Dan Mountain and revived in the cold, clean air of Ben Lomond. 

And  - let's not forget - the TBL would not exist were it not for the passion and determination of the current champion, Gary "Quick Wrists" Little. 

All hail the champ.

Interview with a Purist

Of the purists, it is often said that they cause as much dismay as debate. Those whom the purists reject become small-minded, angry even, while declaring themselves not bothered and even bored by the murmurings of a nearby beard.

Among those to whom the purists give their graces, however, can be found a quiet satisfaction, a balm perhaps, of some arcane mix, bestowing on the purists' favoured ones a glow.

In an exclusive interview, TBL blog spoke with Andrei Bukachenko, revered commentator on our sport, inaugural president of the Purists Foundation and a man whose insights and philosophies make him, arguably, the purists' purist.

Bukachenko - "the new purists exist for a reason"

TBL
Can you explain purism for us?

AB
Purism shifts like sand, flows like a river, is this  - but yet that. It looks for beauty among the rank. It seeks subtleties where others see nothing.

TBL
That's what Chris Forbes was saying the other day.

AB
Forbes is an interesting player. Reminds me very much of a young Chen Choo.  It was a shame that Chen burned out so quickly, but yet his star flared bright and, of course, he left us with the Chen Choo Backhand.

TBL
You have criticised the Chen Choo Backhand in the past.

AB
Only for it's lack of subtlety. Other purists felt the same. Notably, the Paris Beard, who all came out in agreement with my assessment.

TBL
It's interesting that you mention the Paris Beard. Some have described them as "the new purists." And yet you find yourself aligned with them.

AB
In the Chen Choo matter, perhaps. And as I say, purism shifts like sand. The Paris Beard may be a vanguard, or a distraction. It exists for either reason.

TBL
We hear that the new TBL player Viv  Gee, is already the subject of comment over the brandy and cigars.

AB
Indeed. She reminds me of a young Bjork, who was a player of some subtlety before going off on a music career. Bjork was a wonderful short-game player, and, like this Viv Gee, favoured cunning, bluff and velour trousers. Indeed, I was at a fascinating gathering on Monday evening where two purists recreated in slow-motion mime the entire Bjork - Chen Choo semi-final of 94. It remains to be seen whether Ms Gee will be afforded such a tribute. But yes, there is something subtle there.

TBL
Who do you like for the season?

AB
Hemphill's ambition has been helped by this new scoring system. However, that very ambition may be his downfall. As Hoeg of the Copenhagen Beard once said, "Those who stare at the sun can be blinded". As to who will prevail, well (LAUGHS) I'm a purist. I have other things on my mind.

TBL
Thanks for your time

Time Concerns

A concern was raised at the end of the 7th May meeting: "what about the cup and the doubles?"

As we saw, the new "Best Of Three" format proved a hit. But, two whole rounds were played that day and an extra five minutes had to be appropriated at the end of the meeting to allow the last match to be played. There was no room for The Friendly Cup nor time for any doubles. Some stats are shown below.


First, though, a quick note on definitions:

A game: Player A v Player B, to 21 points ( or beyond)

A match: Player A v Player B in their Best Of Three

A round: All players complete six matches.



7th May Stats

42 matches were played.

That's two rounds of 21 matches.

Only 12 of the 42 matches went to three games. (e.g. Greg 2 v 4 Rob)

So, we got squeezed for time on a day when only 28.5% of matches actually went to three games.

Purists discuss time and structure

You can see the potential problem. Your TBL blog makes this suggestion: future meetings consist of only one round of league games, the remainder of the time available given to the other activities.

Thoughts? Comments?

Drop them here and let the administrator know he is not using this blog as little more than Twitter fuel.

Season Two. Week One.

They're off and running.

The sun shone brightly as season two of the TBL kicked off in earnest.

The new match and scoring system, of  "best of threes", proved popular with not only the players but, surprisingly, the purists, whose resistance to change has, heretofore, been resolute and legend.

So. A good start for last season's gold and silver medalists saw Gary and Greg tough it out and break the 40 point line. Not far behind though, Chris and Rob (in an echo of last season's fight for bronze) each took 34 points home.

Finding their feet, new members Mark and Viv showed pluck, verve and very decent style. In the end, their point tallies today may be modest, but enough was revealed at this meeting to show that both players will, at the very least, be throwing some spanners into some works as the season progresses.

A recount was suggested at the end of the meeting. Good call. The recount delivers placings and points as shown below:


TBL LEAGUE: week one

GARY
44

GREG
42

CHRIS
34

ROB
34

BRUCE
24

MARK
8

VIV
6


Series Of The Day
Viv vs Mark (4-2, 2-4)


Next meeting is Tuesday 14th May. 10am-noon.

Have a good week - 'til next week!

Two Blades more for Season Two

As season two looms, the TBL is delighted to welcome two new members to the ranks of the rank.

Mark Nelson: aka "The Admiral"

Viv Gee: aka "Batgirl"

In a friendly pre-season meeting today, Mark and Viv showed enough to prove that the Table Blades League will be enhanced by their presence.

Viv's portfolio of cunning chops and spins brought a fresh style to the tables and Mark's never-say-die attitude suggests that he has not joined the TBL simply to make up the numbers.

Season Two kicks off in earnest next week.

Tuesday morning, 10-12

When seven comedy talents will show that when they wield a blade, it is no laughing matter.