 |
When a storm arrivesToday, Thunder & Lightning Forbes invoked the weather gods. At 11am he rode into the sports hall on a cloud of guile and gusto which had big Gary Little scurrying for cover as the young man handed out an 11-6 lesson in the opening game. Wins for Gary in their next two encounters may have led the sensei to imagine that his opponent had fluked that first win, but the fourth in their series saw Forbes wield his Blutenkirsche blade like the Stormbringer sword of Norse mythology, taking the victory by 11-8 and marking the first time that Gary has lost two to the same opponent on the same day in this league. The purists are said to be now at each others' throats, some claiming a new revolution, others insisting that what they witnessed was no more than a Thunder & Lightning flash in the pan.
Quick Wrist Little showed himself undeterred by Forbes' form, dishing out pain here there and everywhere while nary breaking a sweat. A steady 21 points in Round One and 21 in Round Two showed the class of the old fox, taking max wins in his series v Kane, Morton and Hemphill. Little declared himself satisfied with his overall performance and, in an unguarded remark, suggested the purists go pleasure each other in a shed.
And what of Maple Grief? Consistency is the Canadian's hallmark. He pulled a haul of 15 points in round one and 15 in round two - those totals exactly the same as his previous week's harvest. And let's not think that consistent means dull: the self-styled "friendly bear" unleashed some outstanding shots today, demolishing Bruce "the Spin Doctor" Morton in all four of their games and conceding nothing in his series with Angry Wrists Kane. Impressive stuff from a player only recently blinking in the sunlight after 16 months in rehab. He found no joy in his series v Little, but, notably, grabbed the Table Blades Fun Cup silverware from big Gary's hands today, resulting in scenes of pandemonium not witnessed since the fall of Saigon in '75.
Kane and Morton struggled today. The former whining about unaligned chakra and the latter clearly fatigued after a hectic weekend of umpteen gigs and alcohol. Nevertheless, Kane, when in the mood, shows himself to be a formidable force with a frightening return of serve and still the most aggressive player in this league.
Thrashing Of The Day: Forbes 11 - 1 Morton.
Series Of The Day: Forbes v Little (11-6, 6-11, 9-11, 11-8)
Time allowed for a few additional official matches. Those results are noted and will be added in time. The current placings as shown below reflect today's points tallies in the regular four-games series, added to previously existing points.
So, The Table Blades League currently looks like this: Little 235 Hemphill 141 Kane 102 Forbes 101 Morton 89
Hemphill cannot attend the next meet, citing complications after some blood transfusion malarkey. It is anticipated that the other Table Blades will get together for a "friendly" meet. Date & time will be organised by Gary.
Have a good week - 'til next week!
|
Monday, March 25, 2013
Week 4: Places and Report
Thursday, March 21, 2013
Week 3: Places & Report
Current Places
 |
| Quick Wrist 191 |
 |
| Maple Grief 111 |
 |
| Angry Wrists 88 |
 |
| The Spin Doctor 85 |
 |
| Thunder & Lightning 71 |
Match Report
Maple Grief Hemphill was the story of the day, nailing 15 points in Round One and 15 points in Round Two. This steady - and occasionally inspired - performance cemented his position in second place in The Table Blades League and, though Quick Wrist Little once again dominated the meet, it was Hemphill, a recovering drug addict, who dominated the discussion among the purists.
 |
| Purists discuss Maple Grief |
Angry Wrists Kane started the meet brightly, harvesting 18 points in Round One (including a "monkey off the back" 12-10 victory over Quick Wrist Little, which featured an alarming celebration in which Kane jigged in a lumpy fashion while brushing an imaginary monkey from his left shoulder). However, Kane faded in Round Two where he took a mere 5 points across the board. And, in the final match of their series, endured The Thrashing Of The Day (0-11) at the hands of Hemphill.
The early start time of today's meet (10am) found little favour from Chris "Thunder & Lightning" Forbes. Citing fatigue after a marathon sex session the previous night with a female member of the Scottish stand-up community, Forbes took only 1 point from all of his games in Round One. A much improved haul of 12 points in Round Two may have been a combination of complacency in the minds of his opponents and relief on the part of Forbes after said female texted him mid-meet to say she was "okay" with some of the things he had done the previous night.
Bruce "The Spin Doctor" Morton saw his dreams of a Europa League place crumble, suffering early reverses against Little, Hemphill and preferred doubles partner Rob Kane (together, The Bluenose Blades). Morton's victory over Hemphill in their final match provided some little solace to the Doctor in an otherwise disappointing morning.
As for Quick Wrist Little. A 46 point haul speaks for itself. Rumours persist of extra-curricular practice matches at an un-named club somewhere in Glasgow. Certainly, the self-styled sensei showed super style today, unfazed by being pushed to the wire early-doors by The Spin Doctor and taking on the chin the now famous "Monkey Match" against Kane.
Series Of The Day arguably goes to Little and Hemphill. The Canadian pushed the champ very close in all four games, in a thrilling series which finished in Quick Wrist's favour 11-8, 11-9, 11-9 and 11-8.
Next Table Blades meet is Monday 25th March 11am-1pm.
The penultimate in this initial Table Blades League of five meets.
Have a good week - till next week!
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
March 13 Places & Report
 |
Quick Wrist Little 145
Maple Grief 81
The Spin Doctor 72
Angry Wrists 59
Thunder & Lightning 58
REPORT This meeting began with a huge bang as Maple Grief Hemphill slugged it out in the first game to take an epic 16-14 victory over the bookie's favourite, Quick Wrist Little. Already, people are singing songs around campfires about this game. Purists. The next 3 of their series however, favoured Little and showcased the big man's focus when he handed out three vengeful bum-smacks including a Thrashing Of The Day to Hemphill in a totally awesome granny. Hemphill was ashen. Nevertheless, the former Maplemeister, over the course of the day, delivered pain across the green and the board. Jazzed by that opening win, big Greg hit a ruthless streak, whipping Chris, Bruce and Rob on the spin.The Moose of Potential showed an antler of aspiration that left bookies reeling. That streak kicked Greg up to 2nd place by the end of play. Make no mistake - the bear is out of hibernation. Rob Kane was disappointed with a poor harvest of 12 points on the day, compared to the 47 he pulled last week. Kane was clearly playing through the pain barrier, nursing an evident leg injury. Purists choice, The Spin Doctor, never quite span his spin.This week, we saw opponents unimpressed. Un-spun. Possibly unintelligent. The cripple Kane though, was the one who threw unexpected spokes in the doctor's wheels. Chris Forbes' choice, Chris Forbes, found himself, at the end of the meeting, within a point of Angry Wrists Kane, as both of them vie for disappointment. Credit where it is due to Quick Wrist Little, who sensed confidence in his opponents and casually cooled them out across the day. Breaking little sweat after that early reverse against Greg, big Gary continued to show a steady style, observing the league gap grow. |
Thursday, March 7, 2013
League Places: week 2
|
Quick Wrist Little 99
The Spin Doctor 55
Maple Grief 48
Angry Wrists 47
Thunder & Lightning 37
|
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
March 6th Match Report
Gary 99
Bruce 55
Greg 48
Rob 47
Chris 37
REPORT
A four game series. (Each player battled all opponents four times).
On the day, the points gathered were as follows:
Gary 41
Greg 22
Bruce 25*
Rob 25
Chris 19
*Bruce and Rob finished their abandoned game from the previous meeting, with Bruce taking three points to add to his overall tally. Adding all the above to the points total from last week, The Table Blades League now looks as shown at the top of the page, with Gary Little out in front and Chris Forbes in danger of being separated from the pack.
Hemphill and Kane brought new blades to this meeting - with some impact. Kane was immediately at one with his new blade as he cruised to victories in his first three games, only to meet sustained grief in his encounters with Little who, for the second meeting in a row, sent Kane home without a win in their series.
Hemphill gradually found form, fine-tuning his tool and his style to rack victories here and there across the meeting, including a win (and a deuce defeat) against bookies favourite, big Gary Little, two wins/two defeats against Bruce "The Spin Doctor" Morton and handing out The Thrashing Of The Day to Chris Forbes 11-2.
Forbes improved as the meeting progressed, boasting two late wins against Morton and a remarkable 11-8 victory over Little in the final game of their series. His matches against Angry Wrists Kane brought him two wins in the final two games in their series (albeit Kane pushed him to deuce on each occasion).
Morton struggled today. A fine opening win against Little (12-10, but many of Gary's points were really jammy) proved a false dawn, as he could only draw 2-2 in subsequent series against Hemphill, Forbes and Kane.
As for Gary Little. Another good day at the office. Among the purists, however, and certainly on the internet forums, the chatter has turned to enquiry. Opponents are now taking games from him. In Meeting One, Little harvested 58 points. Today, it was 41. That is a reduction of almost 30%. No champion, however great, can endure in the face of that kind of percentage loss.
Four of his games today got pushed to deuce. Granted, he won two of those but, wonder the purists, is the big man cracking? Or is it just that the others are improving while Gary's game remains rooted in the days of yesteryear?
Time will tell.
Next meeting: Wednesday March 13th. 3-5pm.
Have a good week - till next week!
Greg 48
REPORT
A four game series. (Each player battled all opponents four times).
On the day, the points gathered were as follows:
Gary 41
Greg 22
Bruce 25*
Rob 25
Chris 19
*Bruce and Rob finished their abandoned game from the previous meeting, with Bruce taking three points to add to his overall tally. Adding all the above to the points total from last week, The Table Blades League now looks as shown at the top of the page, with Gary Little out in front and Chris Forbes in danger of being separated from the pack.
Hemphill and Kane brought new blades to this meeting - with some impact. Kane was immediately at one with his new blade as he cruised to victories in his first three games, only to meet sustained grief in his encounters with Little who, for the second meeting in a row, sent Kane home without a win in their series.
Hemphill gradually found form, fine-tuning his tool and his style to rack victories here and there across the meeting, including a win (and a deuce defeat) against bookies favourite, big Gary Little, two wins/two defeats against Bruce "The Spin Doctor" Morton and handing out The Thrashing Of The Day to Chris Forbes 11-2.
Forbes improved as the meeting progressed, boasting two late wins against Morton and a remarkable 11-8 victory over Little in the final game of their series. His matches against Angry Wrists Kane brought him two wins in the final two games in their series (albeit Kane pushed him to deuce on each occasion).
Morton struggled today. A fine opening win against Little (12-10, but many of Gary's points were really jammy) proved a false dawn, as he could only draw 2-2 in subsequent series against Hemphill, Forbes and Kane.
As for Gary Little. Another good day at the office. Among the purists, however, and certainly on the internet forums, the chatter has turned to enquiry. Opponents are now taking games from him. In Meeting One, Little harvested 58 points. Today, it was 41. That is a reduction of almost 30%. No champion, however great, can endure in the face of that kind of percentage loss.
Four of his games today got pushed to deuce. Granted, he won two of those but, wonder the purists, is the big man cracking? Or is it just that the others are improving while Gary's game remains rooted in the days of yesteryear?
Time will tell.
Next meeting: Wednesday March 13th. 3-5pm.
Have a good week - till next week!
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
Friday, March 1, 2013
Table Blades League - Meeting One
With the addition of Rob "Angry Wrists" Kane to the ranks of the rank, the Table Blades League formally kicked off on February 28th 2013.
As agreed by all five players, the points system in this league is as follows:
Winner takes three points, loser takes none.
If a game goes to deuce and beyond, the loser in that game is awarded 1 point for taking it to the wire.
FEB 28 MATCH REPORT
Each player played each other five times. The five games are referred to here as a "series"
So, then. A spectacular start to the campaign for odds-on favourite Gary "Quick Wrists" Little, who set out his stall with a string of confident victories over the rest of the pack. Only Maple Grief Hemphill was able to put a spoke in Gary's wheel today with a spirited 12-10 win in the fifth game of their series.
Rob Kane pushed the favourite very close in a deuce match, only for big Gary, showing all his experience at this level, to take the victory by 12-10.
Elsewhere, Chris "Thunder & Lightning" Forbes struggled to harness the power of his new blade, The Blutenkirsche. All credit to the young man though, who refused to blame his tool (or a recent dental injury) for some disappointing results. Forbes' best series was against Rob Kane, which saw him win three of those five matches and take a bonus point in the fourth, which finished 12-10 to Kane.
Hemphill registered the biggest win of the meeting with a bravuro display of southpaw skills which saw him hammer Forbes by 11-1.
Bruce Morton, The Spin Doctor, declared himself satisfied overall with a points total of 30 on the day. He will, however, surely be licking his wounds having failed to trouble big Gary in their series. Morton's matches against Kane, though, proved "the purist's choice" as he won two and lost two against the newcomer. Time was called during their fifth match with the scores at 4-4. The match was abandoned amid scenes of chaos.
This match will be resumed at the next meeting (scheduled Wed 6 March).
FEB 28 RESULTS AND POINTS
GREG v ROB
8 11
9 11
11 8
7 11
11 4
GREG 6
ROB 9
GREG V BRUCE
7 11
8 11
9 11
12 10
8 11
BRUCE 13
GREG 3
GREG V GARY
8 11
9 11
6 11
6 11
12 10
GARY 13
GREG 3
GREG V CHRIS
11 4
11 1
8 11
11 8
11 6
GREG 12
CHRIS 3
ROB V CHRIS
7 11
12 10
11 7
7 11
9 11
ROB 6
CHRIS 10
ROB V GARY
7 11
6 11
10 12
5 11
8 11
ROB 1
GARY 15
ROB V BRUCE
4 11
6 11
11 7
11 5
^ Fifth match abandoned at 4-4.
ROB 6
BRUCE 6
CHRIS V BRUCE
6 11
5 11
13 15
11 7
10 12
CHRIS 5
BRUCE 12
CHRIS V GARY
6 11
8 11
5 11
4 11
5 11
CHRIS 0
GARY 15
GARY V BRUCE
11 9
11 3
11 8
11 6
11 5
BRUCE 0
GARY 15
PLACINGS
GARY 58
BRUCE 30
GREG 24
ROB 22
CHRIS 18
And here's some footage of some friendly doubles action which went to deuce.
Kane & Forbes v Little & Hemphill.
Highlights:
1.13 Kane's vicious return from Little's serve.
1.29 Kane serves and a 13 stroke rally ensues.
As agreed by all five players, the points system in this league is as follows:
Winner takes three points, loser takes none.
If a game goes to deuce and beyond, the loser in that game is awarded 1 point for taking it to the wire.
FEB 28 MATCH REPORT
Each player played each other five times. The five games are referred to here as a "series"
So, then. A spectacular start to the campaign for odds-on favourite Gary "Quick Wrists" Little, who set out his stall with a string of confident victories over the rest of the pack. Only Maple Grief Hemphill was able to put a spoke in Gary's wheel today with a spirited 12-10 win in the fifth game of their series.
Rob Kane pushed the favourite very close in a deuce match, only for big Gary, showing all his experience at this level, to take the victory by 12-10.
Elsewhere, Chris "Thunder & Lightning" Forbes struggled to harness the power of his new blade, The Blutenkirsche. All credit to the young man though, who refused to blame his tool (or a recent dental injury) for some disappointing results. Forbes' best series was against Rob Kane, which saw him win three of those five matches and take a bonus point in the fourth, which finished 12-10 to Kane.
Hemphill registered the biggest win of the meeting with a bravuro display of southpaw skills which saw him hammer Forbes by 11-1.
Bruce Morton, The Spin Doctor, declared himself satisfied overall with a points total of 30 on the day. He will, however, surely be licking his wounds having failed to trouble big Gary in their series. Morton's matches against Kane, though, proved "the purist's choice" as he won two and lost two against the newcomer. Time was called during their fifth match with the scores at 4-4. The match was abandoned amid scenes of chaos.
This match will be resumed at the next meeting (scheduled Wed 6 March).
FEB 28 RESULTS AND POINTS
GREG v ROB
8 11
9 11
11 8
7 11
11 4
GREG 6
ROB 9
GREG V BRUCE
7 11
8 11
9 11
12 10
8 11
BRUCE 13
GREG 3
GREG V GARY
8 11
9 11
6 11
6 11
12 10
GARY 13
GREG 3
GREG V CHRIS
11 4
11 1
8 11
11 8
11 6
GREG 12
CHRIS 3
ROB V CHRIS
7 11
12 10
11 7
7 11
9 11
ROB 6
CHRIS 10
ROB V GARY
7 11
6 11
10 12
5 11
8 11
ROB 1
GARY 15
ROB V BRUCE
4 11
6 11
11 7
11 5
^ Fifth match abandoned at 4-4.
ROB 6
BRUCE 6
CHRIS V BRUCE
6 11
5 11
13 15
11 7
10 12
CHRIS 5
BRUCE 12
CHRIS V GARY
6 11
8 11
5 11
4 11
5 11
CHRIS 0
GARY 15
GARY V BRUCE
11 9
11 3
11 8
11 6
11 5
BRUCE 0
GARY 15
PLACINGS
GARY 58
BRUCE 30
GREG 24
ROB 22
CHRIS 18
And here's some footage of some friendly doubles action which went to deuce.
Kane & Forbes v Little & Hemphill.
Highlights:
1.13 Kane's vicious return from Little's serve.
1.29 Kane serves and a 13 stroke rally ensues.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)